What Does Self Compassion Look Like?

What does self-compassion look like in practice?

There are three main elements to focus on:

• Mindfulness: This is when you’re aware of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling and experiencing, but you’re not judging yourself for it.

• Common humanity: Acknowledging that you’re not alone—that everyone goes through what you’re dealing with at some point.

• Self-kindness: Being generous and decent to yourself.

  
  

When you’re about to stress eat, try to interrupt the cycle with some self-compassion and kindness.

Here’s what that might look like:

• Mindfulness: “I’m so anxious being cooped up in my house right now. And those chips are really calling my name…”

• Common humanity: “That’s okay. Plenty of people have a hard time saying  ‘no’ to chips.”

• Self-kindness: “Take a deep breath. Whether or not I choose to eat right now, it’s going to be okay.”

  
  

It works during and after stress eating, too:

• Mindfulness: “I’m feeling pretty guilty right now. This sucks.”

• Common humanity: “A lot of people are probably feeling this way right now that we’re all spending more time at home.”

• Self-kindness: “Alright, shake it off! So you ate some chips. It happens. That doesn’t mean anything about who you are deep down.”

A key distinction here is that self-compassion isn’t an excuse to stress eat. Its purpose is to help remove some of the guilt you might feel about stress eating.

That’s important, since that guilt can just lead to more overeating.

So give it a try. Even if it feels a little squishy at first, it might just be the thing that works.

It’s totally normal to be feeling all the feelings right now.

And remember: It’s understandable to look to food to deal with those feelings.

Food provides us with joy, comfort, and sustenance. 

We associate it with good memories, big life moments, and meals shared with loved ones.

We might even use food to help define ourselves—in our jobs, cultures, and even relationships.

But the more we use food to bury how we feel, the worse those uncomfortable feelings get.

It’s like Robert Frost wrote: “The best way out is always through.”

Is it the easiest path? No.

But it’s the only one that will provide relief. And that’s something we could all use more of right now.

Our brains (and lives, for that matter) tend to work in cycles.

But the stress eating cycle? It’s one you can opt out of.

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Self-compassion is an attitude of generosity, honesty, and kindness towards yourself.

If that’s feeling a little woo-woo for you, bear with me for a second.

Lots of people who deal with stress eating have negative self-talk running through their heads before, during, and afterward.

Some of this might sound familiar:

“I guess I’m going to hit up my snack stash again now, like I always do. Why can’t I ever learn?”

“Ugh, I’m such an idiot for doing this. Again.”

“I just had to finish the ice cream, didn’t I? Nice work, me.”

But here’s something surprising: There’s evidence that negative self-talk, the opposite of self-compassion, signals your brain to release dopamine.

Dopamine is involved in habit formation and the addiction pathway. So that’s not great. As a result, the cycle of negative self-talk, stress eating, and feeling bad about it can become a never-ending loop.

(Are you noticing a theme with how our brains work?)

Self-compassion is a tool that can help interrupt that cycle.

And no, I'm not trying to trick you into joining some commune where we spend our time holding hands and being nice to ourselves (although, would that really be so bad…?).

There’s research to support this approach.

What do these studies suggest? That practicing self-compassion can help reduce the “screw it” feeling that happens right before a person starts emotional eating.

So yeah, you can work on your stress eating by being nice to yourself. 

Importantly, self-compassion doesn’t mean giving yourself a free pass to eat whatever you want.

Self-compassion is…	Self-compassion is not…
Giving yourself a break	Giving yourself a permanent “get out of jail free” card
Being honest and seeing the big picture	Ignoring your problems
Being kind to yourself	Letting yourself off the hook

Be kind to yourself and your body,

Coach Elle

References:

Rahimi-Ardabili H, Reynolds R, Vartanian LR, McLeod LVD, Zwar N. A Systematic Review of the Efficacy of Interventions that Aim to Increase Self-Compassion on Nutrition Habits, Eating Behaviors, Body Weight and Body Image. Mindfulness [Internet]. 2018 Apr 1;9(2):388–400. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-017-0804-0